Reflection Time Again 2018
Transformation, breath and pain. If I would have just a 3 words for this year, these would be it.
There were moments, especially in the first half of a year where the mental pain seemed unbearable, where every day seemed like a punishment of existence. And then was a glimpse of the sun, a smile of a child, a familiar sound of music, a new leaf on a plant.
In 2018, I’ve tried getting coaching twice and it didn’t work. It failed completely, missing the point. And then, months later, suddenly something started rolling.
I could blame the behavioural masterpiece of Apple Watch that has triggered a chain of events and decisions where I’ve discovered running, sports, spent more time in a gym in 2018 than in last 15 years together. Running in the forest in Palanga, along the beach and ancient Naglio kalnas. Listening to my own breath, the sound of my feet hitting the sand, the sounds of trees swinging in the wind above my head. A totally immersive experience, both primal and somehow modern.
Plants are my friends, this sounds so corny but it certainly feels right when you’re taking care of them. When I see how my succulents develop and how my ivies climb the walls, or how a long given-up stalk suddenly is covered in new greens. I give my care to them and they accept it and that’s all I need to know.
In the autumn I quit alcohol for a while, with no particular end-date in mind. It was definitely more rewarding than back in 2016. Good meditation tools were helpful too eg. the Oak app or the voice of Alan Watts, like an old friend in my ears. On the other hand, I was also surprised to discover at some point that the results of mindfullness are not always welcome and easy to accept. Training of the mind is a hard, seemingly never-ending work.
The power of incense! For years I’ve been interested in the sensory experiences, so probably it was just a question of time when I got to the sensations of smell. It started by an accidental visit to a Kōdō ceremony. Or was it accidental? Later going through 64 carefully recreated smells in 15 minutes, ‘listening’ to a story of a city at the unforgettable immersible art exhibition in Martin Gropius Bau. In a few weeks I found myself researching and buying incense from Egypt and Jordan, Austria and Jemen, India and Ethiopia. And then, ‘playing’ the incense, like I would be playing some rare records.
Dance. I danced hypnotically to the sound techno and house in Berlin electronic clubs this year like I’ve never danced before — Griessmühle, Berghain, Kater and about:blank, Renate, Club der Visionäre and Klunkerkranich, in the houses conceptual and houses of doors, houses full of sound and human breath. I danced in the night and I danced in the morning, heading to the club just after my morning coffee, I danced in the afternoon before going to supermarket for groceries. The music, the people, the emotional feedback! We are living in legendary times in Berlin and it’s a waste of opportunity to miss it out.
Like the previous years, I didn’t travel much, but I got my share of experiences and new memories— taking our French friends to Lithuania in the middle of February, entering the snow storm on the beach, visiting my cousin Vida, who’s a dolphin therapist at her work place in Kopgalis, seeing the faces of kids when they this intelligent creature within a reach. Going to Dresden to see an opera written by a friend, standing in front of Albertinum antiques collection with an open mouth, swimming in lakes in Lithuania and in Germany, swimming in the summer and even in the early spring, swiming in Smiltyne beach first time in 20 years!
Friends. Meeting old dear friends and meeting our new friends, like I’ve known them for ages. People I admire and respect, not for what they do or say but for what they simply are. I’m grateful for their time and attention and I’d love to pay it back as much as I can.
I’m just noticing how fast my daughters are growing, how self-confident they’ve become. How many cakes did Lia bake, how many TikTok videos did she post or how many French dialogues did she master. Seeing the little Mila juggling two languages and an occasional English phrase makes me wonder how children can play with meaning so easily an learn at the same time. How can we improve their environment to avoid punishment and discouragement of the school system?
Making our toys was not easy, we have accomplished a few seemingly impossible things again, our apartment was covered in electronics for weeks, wooden parts and tiny bits, hours and hours of constructing the little creatures by hand, as a result a few more lucky children in the world will have a Vai Kai doll. I can slowly see more people realizing what we’ve meant about the rise of technology and kids development.
I made a nice calm newsletter reading app with a friend, I made another app for our dolls, I also helped to make traveling app for Mercedes, it seam making apps was strangely the most natural work this year.
I’ve read a few books that I have to recommend — the Plato’s Symposium, How to Change Your Mind, Singularity Sky and Chung Kuo, Sandman (finally!). Convinced that we all need more poetry in our lives, I sometimes read Russian poets aloud at home. Watched the new Blade Runner at least 3 times, Sheltering Sky by Bertolucci, Fata Morgana by Werner Herzog. Seemingly looking for a refuge in wast, open spaces…
I have no clue about the next year, the only thing I’m certain is the change. Like the gust of wind, it comes and goes and echoes as something else again…
P.S. How was your year? I’d be happy to hear from your how, just send me a message! Email, Messenger
P.P.S. If you are curious of what this text is, here are my previous reflections: 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013
